i don't want another aborted baby...

i've had too much already

i want this one to live

i want this brainchild to be succesful

pregenesis shall win first prize. first prize calls for a flat one.

whatever am i talking about?

in case my older version will not understand what 17-year old ara means, here's a translation.

ara is a BIG procrastinator. she's very lazy. there's a lot she could do, if she weren't such a big baby.

she didn't want their class play to turn out girly and flowery, as it would have turned out had her classmates imposed their leadership on the project. They do tend to be too pastel, they become kindergarten...

so she desperately started looking for plays that were NOT girly.

they turned down chicago cause somebody already did it.

then she had a brilliant idea. what about ressurecting one of her aborted brainchildren?

so she started talking to some of her classmates about it, and eventually went up to the teacher about it. during their class, the teacher announced that ara would man the project. I wasn't expecting to head the project, i only suggested a script?

I went to the front, a little frightened. I said i wanted to impose since i knew my grades were bad. Then madame piped from behind me that on the contrary, they were quite good (she obviously forgot that i didn't pass a lot of the requirements and I did not come to class often and I did not give an oral report).Then i told them the story. They liked it (thank goodness). I discussed the details with them, even made a little speech about wishing everyone would trust me enough and cooperate. I wanted aggression out of them and they listened. I hope this really becomes succesful. I want that flat one. even though madame insists I don't need it, i want to prove something to myself. i want to prove to myself that I'm not really pathetic. that I CAN get something if I put my mind on it and if I work hard enough. Quite selfish but doesn't everything start with the self? I want that flat one. And nobody's going to stop me.

daisuke is HOOOOT

he looks like hyde... he's a real bishe... he's mysterious. he has eyes a girl would kill for. he's quiet most of the time (dunno if it's because of the language barrier because he was shy or because he found us filipinos annoying)*faints from extreme fangirling*

he's one of the students of toyo university who came to visit UPVCC. they shall be staying for 2 weeks. He is soooo hoooooot...

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HE SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO EVADE MEH...

HE WILL NOT KNOW WHAT HIT HIM

I SHALL STALK HIM LIKE I'VE NEVER STALKED BEFORE.

ok enough with the exaggeration.

he's that hot.

meowrrrr...

i shall test my skills at seduction (if i did learn anything from sam's book)

and i shall haunt him til he wants nothing more than to see me everyday.

then i dump him.

revenge? nah. i'm just bored. and i'm not kidding. he is hot. the ego needs feeding. i've been feeling too crappy lately. time to be bad again.

~~~

in more important news, i'm joining the cheerdance competition.
now you're wondering why I'm even attempting to disprove accepted fact that i cannot dance for shit?
well, who says i'm predictable? Besides, I like the excitement that comes with performing. If you flunk or not. I don't perform to entertain others, I perform to please myself. To test my limits. To find out more stuff about myself. To have fun. And I don't like scuffling with crowds to watch stuff. I'd rather perform than watch to tell you the truth. besides, it is good excercise. I've been a pig lately.

We're having problems with the financing for the costumes. If anybody with extra dough is reading this, would you like to sponsor our group? Any amount will be accepted. If you want to be mentioned as a sponsor, it'll be taken cared of by the UP radio (manned by masscomm students).

this morning was tiring.

photography exhibit. I was very proud of my pictures. Even sir Marx liked them. But the camera's settings were too low. If printed on 8r, the pics would be pixelized. So I had to reshoot, and it was less than 3 hours to the opening of the exhibit. The new pics came out ok. I found out my period just took a day's vacation and it came back full force today. Soo tired... Ate Chazzy stopped me in the halls today and informed me that Blood of the Stone wanted me to sing a song for them... BOOYAH!!!! I didn't know what to say. I ended up saying yes. Through ate Roxy, I arranged to meet the vocalist tomorrow afternoon in school. This is going to be one hell of an experience.

so tired. I've been overly dramatic these days. really nothing to be feeling crappy about. Thank you so much hormonal imbalance and insanity. I'm making such a fuss over too many things.

champorado is exotic. never even realized it.
maybe it slipped my mind.

according to http://pinoyfood.nimrodel.net/category/filipino-food/ ,
Champorado (chocolate rice porridge) The original recipe is made with soft-boiled rice and flavored with Tableas de Cacao which are bitter-sweet chocolate tablets made of freshly roasted chocolate mixed with milk and sugar. Champorado is usually served with a side dish of fried or smoked

according to http://skyscrapercity.com/archive/index.php/t-314462-p-2.html
* Champorado - /Champ-ô-rə-dô/ is chocolate rice pudding similar to a chocolate oatmeal, not to be confused with Mexican Champurrado which is a hot chocolate drink

when my mom was pregnant with me, she'd eat tons of food, including champorado. She was afraid I'd come out too dark skinned, but i turned out olive-skinned. I grew up eating champorado, liking mine with more milk than needed.

champorado is one of those things you grow up with, without even asking why it was that way. Champorado was one of those things that was supposed to be weird but wasn't, because it was something you were used to.

i'm in an internet cafe, it's 6 am, and I'm waiting for the canteen to open. I'm hungry. i want champorado. I shouldn't have woken this early.

i'm rolling on the floor, laughing (the bewildered reader is struck by the stupidity of the statement..how can one breakdance while typing?)
i dared to take a peek into friendster accounts again. I've found out stuff again. Stuff that made me want to laugh. Stuff that made me want to cry. Stuff stuff and more stuff. And I found out my love's love is a sweetheart. I cannot amount.

I can't bake. I can't dance. I don't like movies whose only purpose is to make you cry. I like noisy music. I hate gilmore girls. I'm bisexual. insurgent ko, therefore the police want me. I can sleep on the floor. no beddings whatsoever. no favorite pillow. i hate pooh. i'm far from studious. i'm not a fan of the color blue. i'm not sporty. i don't have oodles of people who love me enough to give me testis again and again (the only one who does that is Faith). She's cute. I'm a fuzzy thing with glasses and a huge toothy smile that badly needs braces. She's a sweetheart. I'm not.

...I want you to notice
when i'm not around
i wish i was special
you're so fucking special
but i'm a creep
i'm a weirdo...
-from creep by radiohead

http://www.mistula.com/uno/?p=257
how ironic. they were drinking too..

i wonder how many bands were victorious during the weekend...

i still can't get over the fact that we won.. we weren't expecting it anyway.

i've been too lazy to get out out of bed.

so happy for all the friends who were there to support dama de noche. I never knew so many people cared enough to wait until 3 am...

they may not be able to read this..

but i'm very thankful to andres who moshed sandman away

to bebe josh who ignored vince flynn to listen to lakas tama

to the hungry hungarians who were very loyal to bruhang panget even though she forgot to give them their 10 seconds of fame

to sweet zaki who said the moon was smiling down at me

to the goddess zyra who was very understanding and supportive every step of the way

to the very sexy sam who helped in a lot of ways. and for risking getting her ass whipped. you're the hero of the day :)

to AWOL who believed in us even though a lot of people were way better

to ate al who lied to her parents to watch us... she did end up playing anyway :)

to the sleepy Upians who woke up to hear the wailing of the screaming banshee


and to all the Gods and Goddesses who heard our prayers.

the cook out wasn't bad :D

we were too busy about the rampahan to fuss over the band.

brigette made the perfect human doll.

ate al was "borrowed" to be slash and burn's temp/guest bassist.

ate chloe lost her voice, and i was fast losing mine.

i found out my period had arrived at around 8. the coagulated blood was as black as my nails.

it was 3 by the time we played. ooh... the witching hour :D

the guitar amps and the projector started going haywire while the band before us were playing.

when we got on stage, i felt my knees go weak

then the band started the intro, and i remembered what we were supposed to do again.

we were supposed to wake the dead.

and wake them we did. they even startd dancing (though my headbanging looked weird... curse tiny stages..) :D

we found out that dama de noche won first prize for the band competition from josh hours later, I was so surprised that I jolted out of the drunken stupor i was in. We went to lola liang's and had red horse to celebrate everything being over and done with right after we played. mama gee stayed and ate kim went home. We weren't around when the winners were announced.

i can't believe this. I've been coveting soo for almost a year now, and only a few miyu owner-type shots made me think twice. so byebye soo and hello miyu it is!
i've always liked the innocent yet wise look i saw on the soo special's face. Eventually, I discovered the merits of a doe eyed dark soo, making me switch to that type. Then came Miyu. She tickled my interest yet my loyalty for soo kept me from choosing her. She had the doe eyes and the intelligent look I was looking for, but she seemed too mature for the character i had in mind. Then I saw the picture that made me sway on a den of angels thread. She is the donna out of the renaissance portrait. She is the dream waiting to come true, and she doesn't look weird from a low angle. She may not have soo's cuteness, but then there's always twingkey from dream of dolls for that.

I'm a year away from adulthood and I'm obsessing over dolls. So?

I've always been a doll-lover. I spent most of my childhood with all sorts of dolls: from barbie dolls to action figures (my brother and I shared our toys and i assure you, he played pretend with me and my dolls a lot!). People say they're dead things. they're not. I believe that if you believe enough in something, it will happen. And isn't it better to pretend your doll talks back to you than having to talk to yourself? Dolls give things humans cannot. you may consider this disturbing but I'd rather be with dolls than people. People are unpredictable and selfish. Dolls are whatever you want them to be. they're there for you because they don't have schoolwork to do, or jobs to attend to. they cannot stop listening because their ears might start bleeding. they never get tired, sick, frustrated, etc. they might get angry with you for not spending time with them, but they can never hurt you (no matter what you chuckie fans say, they do not have nerves!).

so I'll save up for my doll and nobody can stop me. One may not be able to buy love, but one may buy the chance for it.

COOK OUT's in what.. two weeks?!?
i'm so busy.
i've barely got time enough to breathe lately.
but it's all so fun!!!

The band's improving... we went to the screenings yesterday for the bands to play on cook out. 25 bands signed up. only 12 would be accepted. We were the last to perform for the morning. By the time we entered the studio, the judges were fairly drunk. In their "golden moment" so to speak. We covered lakas tama the local beer drinker's anthem, and the judges kept on staring. the dark mother ordered me to "seduce". I was too nervous to think about my moves. I hope the judges were too drunk to notice that though. One of them was staring at our drummer and kept asking "you're all girls?". One of them kept staring at me with a stoned smile on his face. So much for seduction. After we played, the judges raised their hands and gave us the horn god hand sign. One of them mouthed "rock on!"
I love my band. I really do. They're not afraid to tell me when I need improvement and help me get it. They listen to my ideas and they encourage my song writing. So far, Sleeping Beauty's coming out wonderfully. Mama Gee(our keyboardist)'s put very suitable accompaniment to the song. Now it sounds as if it came out of a music box complete with a plastic ballerina. Kim(our drummer) went home with the recording to think out what she could do to improve the song. Bang(bassist) is now sleeping with her bass guitar (as ate chloe would like to put), and ate chloe's as encouraging as ever... our friends have been equally encouraging. Kuya amos (from a diff band) has been helping me with a new song... I've finished writing it but I'm not sure if i should post it here because it's in tagalog, and I don't get critiques on my filipino poetry here, so what's the use? I find myself looking forward to every jamming session, aching for tuesdays, thursdays and the weekends to come... I really hope this isn't just a one-time thing. Like ate chai once said, "it' very rarely you find people to play with". I'm not leaving Cebu in the next couple of years. I'm staying put til I graduate from the course I'm in at the moment. If I'm taking a second course, it'll be either theatre or music. I realized it's high time I start taking concrete steps towards where I want to take my life. At the moment, Cebu's opening up like a jewelled apple.

I don't think it has to be the beginning of the gregorian calendar year to make resolutions, so I'm making one in the middle of the year.. and that is...
to get SOO before i turn 18 (before next april)
>>dark human soo>>$560.00(with make up)
>>DW-07 (black wig)>>$28.00
>>DW-33(black)>>$28.00
>>inlace set for girl>>$66.00
>>bow shoes(black)>>$37.00
>>"Long Boot"(black)>>$55.00
>>eyelashes DD2-BR>>$3.30
>>underwear-lace(black)>>$6.00
>>TOTAL:$783.30 (not including shipping)php 41,514.9 (all items from www.eluts.com)
If I just get a naked doll...
>>dark human soo>>$560.00
>>DW-33>>$28.00
>>Eyelashes DD2-BR>>$3.30
>>total: $591 (not including shipping)php 31,338.9

how the hell am I going to get that kind of money?
>sell recyclables
>sell doll clothes (model lilith:ate veron's magical michael http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/36918110/ )
>get a job
>hold someone for ransom..kekeke

why in the world would I want a doll this bad?
>to make a bjd clothing line. the sooner I start, the better. I have a cousin who's a seamstress who got her training from another aunt seamstress and she's willing to help me and teach me.

http://www.mistula.com/uno/?p=245
another rival...

no matter... when soo gets here... MUWAHAHAHAHA

so much for that..