i was chatting with Mark last night... it turned weird when he started asking about me and Luke. I was confused for the most part by his questions. Where was he going to? What was he talking about? How could I stick to Luke? I wasn't sticking to Luke by choice. We aren't together. What's with the questions? He said he was curious about this side of Luke that i seemed privy to. Wha?

I found out later that he sent me a friendster testimonial:

It's fascinating how leaves just stick to cars after it rains. You could almost imagine the leaves loving the car while the metal thing is indifferent to the affection.

Lol... the issue was my martyrdom. So what if I be the martyr? Isn't that a risk you'd have to take when you love? The risk of being not loved in return? Since I'm in the feeling, why not make use of it? Why not use it as inspiration for art or poetry or prose? I'd never let him read the poems anyway. They're not for him. They're for me and my expression. If I hadn't made use of the feeling, Dama de Noche wouldn't have existed. My deviantart account (which paved the way for amazing friendships) wouldn't have existed. Pregenesis wouldn't have existed.

Love drives me more than hate can. Love drives me to hate. Love drives me to tears. Love drives me to regret, to anguish, to hurt. Is this a fault I must correct? I do not want to be pitied for fighting for something pointless. That's the point. The fight will inspire others to fight for pointless things. If I don't get a happy ending maybe someone else will. Mark may not understand this, nobody may understand this, but like almost everything else in my life, as long as I am content with this and I don't feel wrong about it, I don't care if nobody gives a fuck.

and now to find a guitar to write the theme song for Pregenesis